What with all this flapdoodle about Rovey's boss's military record, I figured that I'd slice straight to the giblets and let all you know that my Porpleblumblum sure as heck did his time in uniform. And oooooh, what an ensemble that was - sometimes he lets me tote along photocopies of his hero photos down in my dainties for an afternoon if I've been a very good RoveHo. See, when his number came up, my Sweetiebung was hand picked by the CIA to serve in the extra super elite JoyCorps - traveling coast to coast, Army post to post shaking his Cinnabons in a spangled thong to raise the morale of female officers. Mmmm…like a gropeable Bob Hope, he was a one-man USO, bumping and grinding and stripping down to his skivvies until the ladies wept and spasmed and could take no more for fear they'd never again be able to make the cuddlelumps with their hubbies back home. See, after you've suckled a frothed-up mouthful of tasty RoveShake, anything else you sip up your straw is gonna seem curdled by comparison.
Oh that Rovey - he's a heartbreaker, a dream-maker, a bum-shaker - don't you muck around with that nutty Cuddlepants unless you're wearing asbestos dress shields. A girl could get burned with the Duraflame log he's packing in his ditty bag!
Private Rovey - this RoveHo salutes you. And if I'm lucky his privates will salute right back!