Well judging from the number of e-mails pinging into my inbox, all the RoveHos wanna know just what Captain Cuddlebum does to dew up the dainties of his beloved on Roventine's Day. Well, I'll get to the evening's entertainment in just a bit, but as for what was plumping up the goodie sack he gave me - in addition to the traditional suite of boudoir pix Rovey had snapped at the Glamour Shots over at the strip mall (This year's theme was Rodeo Rovey, 'cause he knows I love a man in chaps - and extra specially one who's packing a few hundred pounds of bucking beef between his thighs!), a flavor upgrade for the Pudding Vat (mmm…tapioca exfoliates *and* relaxes!), a pack of 9-volts, and a family-sized can of Campbell's Cream O' Weiner Soup, this lucky l'il Roveotee got herself a gift that'll keep on giving! No, not the itchy, ointment-requiring kind (well at least not since the Surgeon General gave me that last injection) - this is a whole different kind of sticky.
See, my sneaky Rovey plopped his sumptuous, spandex-clad bum onto our naugahyde cuddlin' couch, pointed a video cam, and wham, bam, eat some ham, I now have a twelve DVD set of my Nubblenookums reading aloud every single sizzling syllable of the Starr Report! Just the thing I'll need to keep my muffin buttered while Rovey's out on the road with his boss this summer, promoting their positive re-election message of togetherness (For once I agree with Rovey's boss - It IS silly to stand alone when instead all of America can all be huddled in one great big cuddlelump of terror!).
So if you're feeling particularly lonely, and sans a Roventine of your own, come on over and hunker down on the davenport with me. With slow-mo and frame-by frame, not to mention all those special features he packed in there, we can gobble down hot and cold running Rovey all the way up to the General Election. I'll even make sure Rovey leaves his seat nice & warm for you. So long as I'm around, you'll never have to 'Ho it alone!